I’m going to Hell for this


“And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.”

“And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink you all of it;” – Matthew 26:26-27

Pretty fucking silly, no? For those of you who don’t know, these lines are from the dinner Jesus had with his disciples the night  before being crucified. (For those of you that are actually Christians, this would be Thursday night) Most forms of Christianity honor this moment in their communion ceremonies. The Catholics take it to an ever higher level of insanity by claiming that at the moment of communion the communion wafer and wine literally turn into the actual body and blood of Christ. I went to Catholic CCD, they tried teaching me this crap.

Quite honestly the whole communion ceremony was always stupid to me. It was pretty much the thing that opened the door to me questioning the absurdity of religion. Why would Jesus want his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood? Why would his disciples actually do it? If God is omnipotent, why would he waste his time turning bread into flesh and wine into blood? What a fucking douchebag.

I have been thinking about it and I think I have come up with the solution. The biblical account of the Passover dinner speech Jesus gave to his disciples was just wrong. I think it went more like this:

I’ve had one desire since I was born
To see my body ripped and torn
To see my flesh devoured before my eyes
Only for you , I volunteer as a human sacrifice

Carve me up, slice me apart
Suck my guts and lick my heart
Chop me up, I like to be hurt
Drink my marrow and blood for dessert

My one desire, my only wish is to be-
The longer I live the more I’m dying to feel the pain
I would do anything to be-
My one desire, my only wish is to be-

Lyrics are compliments of Bloodbath, from their song Eaten, from their album Nightmares Made Flesh.

I’m sure by now there is at least one person foaming at the mouth. I don’t expect it to be any comfort, but that song isn’t really about Jesus. It is inspired by the case of Armin Meiwes and Bernd Brandes.

Happy Easter everyone, mwahahahahah!!!!!


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